R you on birth control?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas