i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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