I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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