I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
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