Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
