i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize