I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
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Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
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I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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