i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
