My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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