"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize