Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
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