i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
