Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
