i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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