you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
