This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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