bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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