If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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