I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize