I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
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3pm strippers are depressing
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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