I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
