she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
this is an emotional support booty call
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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