why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
