Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My hand turned me down
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
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He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
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If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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