the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
