Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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