i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
