He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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