It's Friday. Sex?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
