If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Congratulations! We have a period
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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