I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize