Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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