Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize