Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
