Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
