I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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