I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bitchslap is in order.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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