dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
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We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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