I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
her vagine was all disorganized.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize