Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well I just put wine in my tea
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize