oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
