That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
