Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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