Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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