Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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