Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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