your parents love me but you hate me
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Please don't give away my fajitas
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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