we're chasing vodka with high fives
Say something about gay babies.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
