i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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