How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
organizing the empties. That sober.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night