my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.