Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.