I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?