then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him